"The sound of a kiss is not so loud as that of a cannon, but its echo lasts a great deal longer." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
Be frank and honest – answer this questionnaire
Do you find your spouse attractive & sexy?
Do you communicate your needs & sexual wants easily to your spouse?
Do you discuss your actions & the things you do in your love-making?
Do you both actively initiate & lead in the entire process of love-making?
Do you experiment with new approaches & new techniques?
Do you always have a long & enjoyable period of fore-play most times?
Do you have at least few minutes of heightened pleasure before climax?
Do you experience climax every time your make love?
Do you feel fulfilled & completely satisfied each time you make love?
Do you think your spouse is ‘fantastic’ & look forward to the next time?
If your answer is mainly “yes”, you are on track to becoming a great lover. Every marriage needs the love-making to be great. If there are a number of “no”s in the answers, you have a problem. If sexual fulfillment is not a part of the marriage, the relationship is in dire straits.
Unfortunately today, many marriages are not sexually fulfilling. Sex is used mainly for procreation and perhaps quick “releases”. Such instant gratification always result in one partner feeling dissatisfied and this is the beginning of most marital infidelity.
Do you find your spouse attractive & sexy?
Do you communicate your needs & sexual wants easily to your spouse?
Do you discuss your actions & the things you do in your love-making?
Do you both actively initiate & lead in the entire process of love-making?
Do you experiment with new approaches & new techniques?
Do you always have a long & enjoyable period of fore-play most times?
Do you have at least few minutes of heightened pleasure before climax?
Do you experience climax every time your make love?
Do you feel fulfilled & completely satisfied each time you make love?
Do you think your spouse is ‘fantastic’ & look forward to the next time?
If your answer is mainly “yes”, you are on track to becoming a great lover. Every marriage needs the love-making to be great. If there are a number of “no”s in the answers, you have a problem. If sexual fulfillment is not a part of the marriage, the relationship is in dire straits.
Unfortunately today, many marriages are not sexually fulfilling. Sex is used mainly for procreation and perhaps quick “releases”. Such instant gratification always result in one partner feeling dissatisfied and this is the beginning of most marital infidelity.
Willingness to communicate is a must
The problem is that none of the spouses are willing to confess to such feelings of inadequacy or lack of fulfillment. Communication in most Asian marriages on such matters are almost always taboo. What a tragedy!! Husbands & even wives with opportunities to establish links with other possible partners will frequently succumb to such possible infidelities.
The consequences of starting wrongly in this “physical” sexual area of connection have such pervasive consequences that once the wrong path is taken, there is almost no chance of turning back. This is the greatest tragedy of all. The majority of marriages walk down this wrong path because the early stages of marriage are often accompanied by inexperience and the inability to perceive feelings that are wrong. The sacrificial overtures of early love lead to habits that are later extremely difficult to change.
The problem is that none of the spouses are willing to confess to such feelings of inadequacy or lack of fulfillment. Communication in most Asian marriages on such matters are almost always taboo. What a tragedy!! Husbands & even wives with opportunities to establish links with other possible partners will frequently succumb to such possible infidelities.
The consequences of starting wrongly in this “physical” sexual area of connection have such pervasive consequences that once the wrong path is taken, there is almost no chance of turning back. This is the greatest tragedy of all. The majority of marriages walk down this wrong path because the early stages of marriage are often accompanied by inexperience and the inability to perceive feelings that are wrong. The sacrificial overtures of early love lead to habits that are later extremely difficult to change.
A journey of discovery
This is why the first three days of marriage where the honeymoon period commences and the first three months of marriage which is the time where partners adjust to each other is so critical. The first three days is the time of discovery – finding out about each other’s needs and wants and desires. It is the time for shortcomings to be corrected and for the best practices to be confirmed. Unfortunately, the shyness that accompanies Asian marriages especially on the woman’s part is a barrier to this exciting voyage of discovery.
Starting the journey right
This is why the first three days of marriage where the honeymoon period commences and the first three months of marriage which is the time where partners adjust to each other is so critical. The first three days is the time of discovery – finding out about each other’s needs and wants and desires. It is the time for shortcomings to be corrected and for the best practices to be confirmed. Unfortunately, the shyness that accompanies Asian marriages especially on the woman’s part is a barrier to this exciting voyage of discovery.
Starting the journey right
If the wrong start is made, the wrong accompanying moves will be in the marriage for the long-term. Hoping to redress the weaknesses later will usually not take place. The first three months is the period of adjustment. Anything that is not right and feelings of inadequate satisfaction must be addressed in this period. Unhindered communication is what must be practiced here. This is why I encourage potential spouses to be 100% transparent in their communication with each other.
Talking it over
We talk of “debrief” in modern training programs and I do this all the time with the participants of my training programs. Usually, we find such sessions to be most valuable as the real opinions and perceptions are brought out. “Debrief” in sexual unions in marriages is even more important. It is a “must” for all marriages. A debrief after an intense sexual session can go like this:
We talk of “debrief” in modern training programs and I do this all the time with the participants of my training programs. Usually, we find such sessions to be most valuable as the real opinions and perceptions are brought out. “Debrief” in sexual unions in marriages is even more important. It is a “must” for all marriages. A debrief after an intense sexual session can go like this:
Husband: “Darling, was it really good? Are you very satisfied?” Please tell me about your climax. How did you find it?”
Wife: “Yes, my love, it was really good. I feel so fulfilled now – you are really my man!”
Husband: “How was the foreplay? Do you like me to kiss you more? I noticed that when I kissed you and put my tongue in with yours, you were initially hesitant. Was it OK?”
Wife: “O, I loved it. Initially, I didn’t know you can kiss like this. Is it called “French kiss”? Once I got over the first feelings, I loved it. Next time you can spend a longer time kissing me this way.”
Wife continues, “And I noticed you pull away when I kissed your nipples. You felt like you liked it when I touched your nipples but don’t you like me to kiss you on your nipples?”
Husband: “Yeah, I feel kind of strange. Maybe with time, I will get used to it. But you can kiss me everywhere else. I just love you to use your tongue to roll over my cheeks and neck……”
The above is an example of how the conversation can go. In future articles, we will talk about communicating on more intimate things. Once such open conversation is engaged, the future for that marriage is assured. This is where improvements and corrections can be constantly made and the result is always mutual agreements.
Just like learning a new game
The early parts of the marriage is like learning a new game such as badminton or table tennis. Right at the start, the way the racket is gripped, the way the player is set up and the way the player executes the hits are crucial for the future well-being of that player. Start the grip wrong, allow the stance and set-up to be unwieldy and tolerate racket strokes that are not consonant with proper techniques and you have a player who will not go far, no matter how talented he is. This is the real issue.
Players cannot start their involvement with the game wrong – they simply should not do things their own way. Likewise in love-making, the two partners must get their act right from the start. The foundation of their interactive intercourse should be soundly premised. Otherwise, there will never be the experience of reaching the high heights.
The "essentiality" of establishing healthy habits
Players cannot start their involvement with the game wrong – they simply should not do things their own way. Likewise in love-making, the two partners must get their act right from the start. The foundation of their interactive intercourse should be soundly premised. Otherwise, there will never be the experience of reaching the high heights.
The "essentiality" of establishing healthy habits
In coaching, we say that we must never allow the wrong habits to form. Why? It is because habits are extremely difficult to change. Once a wrong habit is formed, there will have to be a process of “Unlearning” before the right techniques can be taught again and this usually takes a long time.
Great sex, great enjoyment, great mutual satisfaction and great mutual fulfillment can be the case for all marriages. It doesn’t need one to be a great physical lover for great satisfaction to take place. It is all down to getting the act right early and working on the right start as a platform.
Great sex, great enjoyment, great mutual satisfaction and great mutual fulfillment can be the case for all marriages. It doesn’t need one to be a great physical lover for great satisfaction to take place. It is all down to getting the act right early and working on the right start as a platform.
NEXT PUBLISHING:
- Why giving and focusing on the sexual satisfaction of the other spouse plays such a vital role in bringing forth mutual satisfaction.
- Why providing for an “Assessment” session is so important to great love-making!
- Why love is so much in the mind and how limitations can be overcome by first creating a clear “belief” system.
- How to handle the early cases of premature ejaculation (which troubles so many) and frigidity (usually arising from years of caution statements and taboo affirmations)
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